1/17/17


I heard you the other day speaking to me when I left the house. At least, I want to believe it was you. Its hard, Frankie. The hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it just never ends. The new hurdles that come up. I guess its all part of it. But, I feel like he has everything he needs with them. I try to stay here for you. Because of my love for you, Jackie, Pops and Lilly. I dont want to be here. But I dont want to leave them. I guess I will eventually be with you in my own time. But, then, why delay the inevitable? What is the point of this measley little life? Really. Can you give me an answer, because I cant think of any meaning in life. Not anything that is worth anything. I dont know. I miss you, I love you so much my son. I love you so much, and I am being crushed by the weight of this loss. I hide it. I hide it, but I cant stand it, I just want to see you again. I have to go, I love you. Watch over your Pops on the road tonight, the rain is bad. But, then...you probably know that, and so much more. Or, not...

01/12/17

I miss you, my son.....

01/04/17


fRANKIE,
i CAN'T. i CAN'T. tHIS WORLD IS SO FUCKE3D UP. THE TORTURE OF POOR DEFENSELESS CHILDREN, ANIMALS, EACH OTHER. THE ISIS MONSTERS TAKE PLEASURE IN PAIN, AND A rELIGION THAT PREACHES TO KILL IN SUBTLE SUBTLE WAYS....PLEASE pLEASE i DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ANYMORE. iTS TOO BIG. iTS TOO SAD AND BRUTAL, AND TOO BROKEN

12/28/16

Christmas is nothing with out you here. We didnt get to see Jackie. But, we will have a little Christmas with him in January. Your Pops had videos sent to him from "Santa". They are so real, and he calls them by name...pretty awesome. We have the special magical present ready for him, behind the tree, that we "know nothing" about...
We are sharing the magic with him. You see it, I know. And, I love him with all my heart, Frankie. He is the one thing that keeps me going. I just want to find you. If there is nothing out there, and nothing left of you...so be it....at least I wont feel this pain anymore. And, if there is, then...Hallelujah! I get to see my most loved being in the universe. I miss your hugs, your laugh, your anger, your everything, my son. I feel like a hollow shell. I hate this world. I hate it. I feel nothing is ahead for me. What is there? Why am I still here? I am finished with my life. Let death come and find me, because I want to be with my son again. Pops will come and then we will one by one, by one be together again. I cant stand the pain. Its too fucking big, Frankie. Please

12/2/16

I know I said he was nice, and that you would actually like him. But, I am still so angry at the situation. I know that people have to move on. I know thats what would be said to me if I verbalized this. But, you had no chance to move on. You had no MOTHER FUCKING SECOND CHANCE!!!!!! I HATE EVERYONE, I cannot express how much RAGE I feel at this MOTHER FUCKING SHALLOW< CLUELESS WORLD!!!!!! FRANKIE! WHY? WHY couldnt YOU have had a second chance?!?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE LIKE THAT? TELL ME?!? I CALL BULLSHIT!!!!!!! I call bullshit....
MOTHERFUCKINGBULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
I am so sad for you.
You did not deserve to DIE so young, and so painFULLY, and so fearFILLED!
I FUCKING HATE GOD and THE WHOLE FUCKING WAY of THINGS! EVERYONE can go FUCK theSELVES when they whine and cry about their little problems. I FUCKING HATE, hate, HATE, hAte, HATE this world. Fucking HATE IT!
I love you

11/17/16

Help me have the energy and strength for this life...

11/17/16