Frankie, you are in everything we do, always and forever....Momz

Uncle Peter holding a leaf I found up to the sun at Cranberry Lake...

Having a really hard time these days. I cant control the sudden sobbing. I dream about the fire burning your hair and skin, and beautiful face. Your hands...omg, It runs on a loop over and over in my head. It just came from nowhere, and now it wont stop. I miss your handsome face, infectious laugh, and big bear hugs...I miss everything about you...Good and Bad....

Frankie. I found this photo from when you moved upstate. It was awful saying goodbye then. I had no idea we would never get the chance to say goodbye the night you died (November 15, 2013).

You and your son, naming the chickens.....2013......

Jackie and I.
Pops and I at CT reenactment.
Remember the heat?!?
I miss you.

Frankie, He fills my heart with joy, and sorrow. What a good boy he is. You would be so proud.

I found a leaf at the lake.
I saw the sun.
I saw the sun through the leaf.
I thought of you.
It was beautiful.

My first canvas painting, ever. Griffy! This is only a detail of it. We went to Muse for a painting party of Pets. There wasnt enough time for me to finish. But, lucky for me I have "Frankies Room", so I can work on it. I miss you terribly every minute of everyday, my son. Its killing me, I think.
Please be there when out time comes. I cannot wait to see you again, in whatever form your spirit takes.

I wish there was a way to speak to you.
I wish you could make yourself known.
Sometimes, I feel like there is a just a veil
that separates us.
Other times, I feel like your atoms just blasted from the crematorium out into space,
just organic "matter" again.
But, I hold on to the knowledge of how strong your soul was/is.
And, deep down I long for the idea of the light, and meeting your loved ones again on the "other" side. I just hope with all that is in me, that we can somehow "see" each other again.
I miss you so much, my most loved son. Your voice echoes in my ears.
I will always remember your laugh, your smile. Your many gestures, funny, good and bad.
You did not deserve the way you died.
It was awful, and I relive it every single day. Your end must have been so fucking agonizing, and scary. I would die to have that taken away from you.
I love you so much, Frankie.
Always. Always. Always. My son.

Another Holiday without you.
My heart hurts.
I remember the great times we had with you during your life.
You were always the one to start and keep the BEST conversations (and sometimes "debates") going. I can see you in my minds eye, you laughing looking down with a hooligan smile on your face, laughing at the outrageous talk....most of which you exacerbated....I loved to watch you with people. You were always surrounded by people, and the talk and laughter was a constant.
Sure, you were temperamental and grumpy sometimes...(ahem)...but that was all part of your "charm"! Well, except for the Jets games when they were losing.....oh boy. You were bad, boy.
But, I would give my life for even one more LOSING Jets game.
I love you so much, and miss you to the point of physical pain.
I always ring the singing bow, and remember you as a beautiful, beautiful, soul.
Your energy always appears to me as a beautiful, shimmering Gold.
And when I visualize, and strike the singing bowl three times (past, present, future)...I see my energy rising into the universe as a beautiful Caribbean blue sky.
The colors filling in the gap like a sweet embrace.
It warms my heart, and I can feel like you are giving me one of your legendary bear hugs.
I will remember you as you were.
I will always remember you as you were, and hope that you really are all shimmering gold energy. And that all your memories and love are still part of that energy.
And, I will live with faith that you will be waiting out there in the cosmos for me and your Dad to join you.
I will always love you.
Mom