Memories of our son Frank Ruiz Jr

So, Ilana is starting to move on in her life. It was a blow to your Pops and me....It was like being punched in the stomach. The myriad of emotions swept over me like a wave. My God, I felt like you died all over again. You see, it only seems like yesterday, so when she told us this...I was angry. I was actually angry, like she is cheating on you! I know you are dead....God, just typing those words....but she is serious, after two years. I guess life does go on. I just feel like my boy is being left on the roadside. I worry that your boy will be calling someone else Daddy. That he should be riding on your shoulders, not someone elses......Frankie....I know....I know.....but, its breaking my heart.

I dont know what to do with all of this. Its so hard. Its more complicated as time goes by. I cry for the loss of you, I cry for the loss of your memory as people move on. I will never forget you. Even saying that is bizarre. You feel like you are still here, why should I be saying I will never forget you? How absurd! That's like saying I i might forget to breathe....Impossible, when you are like my arms, my legs,...my heart.....

I know you are somewhere. You are glorious wherever you are. My small mind can't grasp where you are, where I hope you are. Please meet me at the golden place when I die. I long for the day when we three will be one energy again...and then when your son gets old, he will come and see you again....

I sound insane,
I feel insane.
I am insane...
Insane with this profound sorrow.

Don't leave without us, my handsome son.
I love you, Frankie Boy.