Thoughts

Frankie

There are some things that I am trying to wrap my brain around since your passing. The support of so many people was and is amazing. I was talking to Kasey a week ago or so and we were on the subject of coping with your death.

I explained to her that although your mom and I prefer to be alone sometimes that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we need, want company and it’s not there.

 I liken it to, a large celebration, say the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Hundreds of people, marching bands, floats, confetti, etc.  And as the parade ends the crowds begin to thin, the silence increases, the street sweepers begin the cleanup, and a few stragglers remain. Like at the end of the old Carol Burnett show, she would portray a cleaning lady and was mopping up the spot light. When she finally mopped the last spec of light the screen went black. And we are left alone with our pain and grief.

Granted, when we were on the other side of grief, we acted the same way. Not knowing what to say or how to approach the grieving. But I have come to learn that it’s okay to approach the grieving. It’s okay to talk about our loss.  Mom and I enjoy talking about you and remembering. In my opinion this keeps you alive and in the now. It helps me to cope.  People need to realize that we do not have leprosy or a contagious disease, if you get close to us it won’t cause one of your children or loved ones to die.

Additionally, if you see us smile or laugh, if we crack a joke or seem to be enjoying ourselves it doesn’t mean that we are okay. We are learning to conceal our grief, our pain, for fear of alienating friends or family. We try hard not to feel guilty or apologize for being sad or for talking about “IT”.  Well, “IT” happened and “IT” is reality, and “IT” has hurt us to our very core.

The fact remains that you are our child and can NEVER be replaced.  A spouse or partner, though extremely painful to lose, can be supplemented with another spouse or partner if you so choose. You can never really replace a child, your flesh and blood. YOUR offspring.

This is in no way a condemnation of anyone in particular or a group. It is however a statement of “OUR” reality and the reality of so many other grieving people.

Thanks to all of those who consistently support us. And thanks to my “unofficial adoptees”, you young men and women truly do help to ease our pain.

I will step down off my soapbox now.

Love you

Pops

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