Well done, my son.
I KNEW you would have the strength to reach out....
I love you.

Hi Lynn,I looked out into my yard today and I see this one single beautiful
purple flower growing in my yard. I'm shaking and crying at the same time, and
you know why because you wore purple on mother's day and I have been thinking
about Frankie a lot and I wanted him to be here and its what your son and I had
spoke about him to visit. This is a sign from him telling me he is here.  I just
now took all 4sides of this beautiful purple perfect flower from Frank Jr. For
you Lynn,I love you xoxo.
Susan

Thoughts

Frankie

There are some things that I am trying to wrap my brain around since your passing. The support of so many people was and is amazing. I was talking to Kasey a week ago or so and we were on the subject of coping with your death.

I explained to her that although your mom and I prefer to be alone sometimes that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we need, want company and it’s not there.

 I liken it to, a large celebration, say the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Hundreds of people, marching bands, floats, confetti, etc.  And as the parade ends the crowds begin to thin, the silence increases, the street sweepers begin the cleanup, and a few stragglers remain. Like at the end of the old Carol Burnett show, she would portray a cleaning lady and was mopping up the spot light. When she finally mopped the last spec of light the screen went black. And we are left alone with our pain and grief.

Granted, when we were on the other side of grief, we acted the same way. Not knowing what to say or how to approach the grieving. But I have come to learn that it’s okay to approach the grieving. It’s okay to talk about our loss.  Mom and I enjoy talking about you and remembering. In my opinion this keeps you alive and in the now. It helps me to cope.  People need to realize that we do not have leprosy or a contagious disease, if you get close to us it won’t cause one of your children or loved ones to die.

Additionally, if you see us smile or laugh, if we crack a joke or seem to be enjoying ourselves it doesn’t mean that we are okay. We are learning to conceal our grief, our pain, for fear of alienating friends or family. We try hard not to feel guilty or apologize for being sad or for talking about “IT”.  Well, “IT” happened and “IT” is reality, and “IT” has hurt us to our very core.

The fact remains that you are our child and can NEVER be replaced.  A spouse or partner, though extremely painful to lose, can be supplemented with another spouse or partner if you so choose. You can never really replace a child, your flesh and blood. YOUR offspring.

This is in no way a condemnation of anyone in particular or a group. It is however a statement of “OUR” reality and the reality of so many other grieving people.

Thanks to all of those who consistently support us. And thanks to my “unofficial adoptees”, you young men and women truly do help to ease our pain.

I will step down off my soapbox now.

Love you

Pops

XXOOXXOOXX

Frankie,
Six months. It feels like forever and it feels like only yesterday. I miss you with all my heart and soul.
Your cousin is getting married this weekend. I am glad for her, sad for you. Why?! Why?! WHY?
Why? Why? Why? Why?  Why didnt we have a warning, of any kind? We could have saved you, you would be here with us. I do not understand why this had to happen to you, and I never will. I am going to call the MORGUE right now, because those Mother Fuckers STILL havent told us the results. AKA: WHY my ONLY SON DIED?!?!?! FUCK fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

I miss your face and your smile. I missed your Moms Day card filled with your own heartfelt sentiments that always made me cry for joy. You made me feel blessed as a Mother. I will forever be grateful for your loving soul, and passionate spirit. I felt you near me on Mothers day yesterday, whispering "Alllllriiighttt...." in my ear. LOL!
You made my life complete, and I will do all that is in my power to give your son everybit of you that I can. It is my mission now and ever.
I love you always my son.
Forever,
Mama

Your son is now singing the Happy Birthday song...I mean REALLY singing it....He pronounces tew yewwww....and he stares at you because he is concentrating on it...so CUTE!
And, get THIS.....he sings, "and MANY Mooooore!" at the end!!!!!!!!!
You must be beaming up there at him!!!!!!!!!! I love you, my son.

Today is Daddys birthday, and I know his heart is breaking for the lack of you today more than ever. Your awesome birthday card will be missed so very much. You always had a way of writing so beautifully what you felt. You never failed to make us cry out of joy and love. I hope you realized how much those words and thoughts meant to us. We always tried to show you how very much you were loved, as you showed us how much we were loved. You are with us today, and always my son...Love always, Mama.

I promise...

Your Aunt Lilly has been my savior and GodSend. She misses you with all her heart. She grieves for the fights and the lost time with you. She has finally realized (I Hope) how much you loved her through all your life, until the end. I love you, my frankie boy.

Oh Frankie......
My heart is breaking, and I dont want to be here without you.....

So, remember I was telling you last year about the guy who was going to do the WWII demos at Bethpage? He came back by my job today to give me the information for you for this years event.....I told him you had passed away....He felt terrible and apologized over and over. After he left, I cried and cried.
I miss you and all your military talk, and I will never get over the loss of you and all you took with you....I love you so much, my Frankie Boy...

Jackie-isms for today:
Oh, De-ah! (Oh Dear)
Goobus! (school bus)
Head tilted to the side, attitude face, "Oh, REEEALLY?!?" So freaking cute.

Your boy looks at the sky, just like you did. He has to point out the airplanes repeatedly and he calls to the moon at night. He is such a unique child. I know I am saying this as a Grandmother, but I have seen and known my share of children. He is so special, and I think in ways we cannot even imagine. You did well my son....I try not to think of how sad it is that he will not have the benefit of your guidance and love as he grows up. But, I also think you ARE with him, actually and in the people all around him who loved you, and who you loved. You and Ilana made someone who is going to change the world in some wonderful way, large or small. He matters big time to this world. Thank you for bringing him into this world. I love you so much, my son. Always and forever. Mama.

Your Son, Jack Aiden, looks at your photo and says Da Da and kisses your face......

He is such a charming, loving, sweet and sensitive boy. And, he also has your and Ilanas stubbornness and Intelligence. He is going to make you prouder and prouder. I know you are watching with a swelled chest, PaPa!