Memories of our son Frank Ruiz Jr

I heard your voice on a short video with Jackie. And, it was like water to my parched soul. It was comforting, and heartbreaking. Sorry to sound so melodramatic, but thats exactly what it is.....My life is gone, and this new one is an uglier, sadder, and pointless place. I know I am lucky to be so loved by my family, but I only want to be with you. I am not afraid to die anymore. I will not do anything to speed up the process, but when it happens, I will be happy again. I could tear the hair from my head, and peel my own skin off, and it would be less painful than the loss of you. I honestly dont know if I can make it, but I am trying. I put my game face on, and on I go. No one knows the gut wrentching truth. The agony, the sorrow, the screaming, and name calling I hurl towards a God that does not exist for me anymore. Any God that would let this happen is a Cock sucking Cunt, and let him strike me dead, because.....see? I am still here, so I have to hope with all my might that there is an energy of some sort that is higher and too complicated for us to understand. And, all I hope for is that within that energy, I will be able to see you again in another space and form. But, that I will know you by the love. Please, let it be so.