This just looks "ridiculous" to me now. It doesnt look like an emotion at all. It looks fake.

I miss you so much, Frankie boy.

Frankie, You must be proud of your fiance. She has been so strong. She misses you more than you could ever know.  She is such a good Mama to your boy. You two made someone amazing when you had Jack Aiden. 

We all miss you, my son...now and always. 

So, Christmas is coming. I try so hard to feel the spirit. For Jackie. I will never have the joy of the Christmas' spent with you and Pops. Those are golden moment that will never be equaled. I knew they were gold at the time they were happening, and I felt so lucky and so blessed.
So, the rug ripped out from under us, I will forever hold on to those years with you as treasures. Because they were, and they are. I promised you that I would show Jackie all the magic that you had as a child. I will keep my word, and I have, even now in the dark days. But, when he goes home, the smile fades, and the sorrow takes over. I remember the magic. He will have it. I am giving it to him. Once given, I will not keep any for myself. Never again. I curse the universe now everyday for 2 years for ripping you from us. I hate the world, except for those I love. Sometimes I even get angry at my own family for having what they have. Thats the grief talking, but it is what I feel in this hole that I always live in now. I don't know how long this can go on without consequences. This anger, this hurt, this profound and dark sorrow. All I know is that where you are is where I want to be. I want that, but I cannot leave your Pops and your son. So, the invisible string of love pulls me from both ends. I love you so much Frankie. It IS a physical hurt. Broken hearts are a physical pain, they are real. I talk to you everyday, all through the day. Life without you is hollow and empty. It is a desiccated life now. It will be until I die. I will go through the motions, and try to find joy. But there is no point. There is none left for me.

We felt you near...

I miss you so much....